


my home and my world

by sushishorts



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Long Distance Relationship, also yelan probably loves sakura more than she loves her own son, yelan approved her son's choices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 14:28:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14046261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sushishorts/pseuds/sushishorts
Summary: In which we learn more about Li Syaoran, before and after he met Kinomoto Sakura.





	my home and my world

**Author's Note:**

> title is a butchered translation of a line from a song called "mundo" by iv of spades (the line goes: my dear, you are now my home and my world/on my return, i shall stay by your side and you shall be my world), which is my syaosaku anthem boi (honestly, just listen to my [mix](https://open.spotify.com/user/sushishorts/playlist/4yFYemQVZTrxT2LpZ5zfBT?si=0H0ThJIcTPWYyA1jhU4HWg))
> 
> THIS IS IN MANGA-VERSE!!!!! i'd love meiling to be in it but god. there's so much inconsistencies in the anime?? also it didnt have the yukata scene?? which is a travesty tbh that was so good
> 
> also, i wrote this because the world needs more li syaoran-centric fics and i needed some ldr pain; i will write more of it soon but honestly i have like three in line and i just want to write more date fics?? so im gonna write that too
> 
> unbeta-ed as frick

\--

 

 

It wasn't that he had a rough childhood, per se; as the only son of the main family of the Li Clan, Syaoran knew from a very young age what was entailed in his life. Endless lessons came everyday, aside from the ones he got from international school: kung fu, wushu, tessenjitsu, mastery of Chinese magic and spells, languages... The list went on.

His sisters were often sympathetic, often resorting to help him feel less stressed by cooking him his favorites, but that just made him feel worse. Instead, he made them teach him how to cook, and that was the only lesson that didn't require him to be perfect.

 

 

 

There was a mission for him, he knew as soon as his mother summoned him outside in a night of the full moon. She held the family sword and the Rashinban in her hands, and he tried to look as steadfast as he could.

He was ready, at least he thought he was.

"You are to retrieve what is ours," Yelan began, passing the valuable items to him. "And you are to possess the power of our ancestor, Clow Reed."

He knew of Clow Reed and the gravity of the power he possessed when he lived; there were still artifacts from him that are stowed away in their family vault, brimming with untapped power. His masterpiece however, the legendary Clow Cards, were not in their family’s possession. Yelan had mentioned it in small increments over the past few years, but the main idea behind them was that Clow had managed to capture both western and eastern magic in card form, to be manipulated at will.

Upon Clow’s Death, there had been numerous attempts to locate them, but unless activated, there was no way to pinpoint where the book and the guardians were. At least, until a few months ago, where a huge wave of power had reached the shores of Hong Kong. The Rashinban was awakened, and the cards were finally found.

“Disaster will befall this world once the cards fall under the wrong hands,” she continued. “I trust you know what is to come, Xiao Lang.”

He nodded. The task was a heavy burden entrusted to him; his head was looming with grave scenarios for his future. He tried to focus once again, the sword and Rashinban heavy in his hands.

“You will meet someone.”

_Huh?_

His mother didn’t seem worried when she said this. “You will meet someone in Japan, and they will either be a friend or a foe. Be cautious, don’t let your guard down. Remember your lessons.” She smiled despite the sadness of parting, kneeling down to pull him in an embrace. “Ah, I shall miss you, my little wolf.”

“Mother,” he tried to say something more, but the lump on his throat stopped him.

“So young you are, Xiao Lang, but so much is in store for you.” She casted a charm for good luck. For a moment, a passing sliver of doubt plagued him, but his mother caught on it and she reassured him. “This is not a test. You are welcome to come back, once the trial deems difficult to face.”

“No,” Syaoran insisted. “I shall see this through.”

That sealed his mother’s charm, and the ground glowed with their magic circle.

 

 

 

Japan was relatively cooler in terms of temperature, but the thought of being alone in Tomoeda made him sweat all the same. His mother arranged everything for him; all that was left was to process all the papers properly. His Japanese fluency helped a lot, too; he didn't look like an idiot while he tried to fix everything for his transfer to Tomoeda Elementary School.

As soon as he entered the school, he felt a familiar wave of magic he encountered regularly in Hong Kong. As he walked towards his classroom, the power grew stronger, and for a moment, he wondered if it was a coincidence that he was closer to the power source than he expected. (A voice rung in his head: _There is no coincidence in this world; there is only the inevitable._ )

There, he met Kinomoto.

 

 

 

Kinomoto was… something.

More than anything, she was an extremely cheerful person. She was constantly with her best friend Daidouji, a girl who was somehow always peering through her video camcorder. It was unnerving at first; there was no way someone was that obsessed on capturing everything on film, but alas.

Kinomoto held a few of the cards already, but refused to give them over to him. She was also guarded by the Sun Guardian Cerberus, who she fondly called Kero-chan due to his current exterior. It was easy to mistake him as a plush doll, after all.

He had no choice but to look after her as well, because someone as clueless as her cannot possibly know a thing or two about the Clow Cards at all. The five elements of Chinese magic, its rules and limitations, and how it can help catch the cards – he possessed the knowledge to become the ultimate master of the Clow Cards, but the guardians refused to acknowledge his claim. (Not to mention Kinomoto’s unconscious competitive streak…)

He expected that his relationship with her to be sour and go awry as soon as they met.

Of course, he was young and naïve.

 

 

 

“Kinomoto” became “Sakura”, and he fell in love.

Crushes were annoying; he turned red as a beet and ran away over every interaction they had, but he fell in love so, so hard for Kinomoto Sakura that he knew that when he had to go back to Hong Kong, his heart may never heal. What was he expecting, anyway? She was thoroughly enamored with Yukito, who was revealed to be the other form of Yue, the moon guardian, and he knew then that he didn’t have a chance in the first place.

But that wasn’t the point. He was in Tomoeda for a reason, and he knew he was stretching it as much as he could. But Clow’s presence is everywhere, and there’s danger creeping at every corner even after the cards have been captured. His phone call with his mother was brief, but she understood all the same.

“I’m sorry I failed,” Syaoran said, feeling heavy as the words came out. “She is the worthy master of the cards.”

“I have foreseen seen this, but I couldn’t possibly tell you that failure was the outcome of your efforts, could I?”

He didn’t understand.

“This was a way to learn, Xiao Lang.” Gone were the days when his mother’s voice would chill him to the bone, often because of fear. Warmth flooded his senses, and he felt the tears stinging his eyes. “You were never meant to be perfect for the clan, nor anyone else.”

 

 

 

Sakura had her heart broken. She held it in until they reached the playground, crying softly as she explained what she felt about what happened. Syaoran wasn’t sure how to react to it exactly, but he honestly wanted to punch the floor.

For the lack of better understanding regarding how he felt, he contemplated. He felt enraged; no one in the right mind should ever make Sakura cry, no matter what. Tears were evil; a sad Sakura caused him pain, and his young, tiny heart couldn’t handle it. A handkerchief could only do as much, so he was glad when Sakura leaned on his shoulder so she could cry it out.

She said that Yukito had someone else in her heart, and that person was important to Sakura too. He knew it was her brother, judging from how fondly Yukito and him looked at each other at times, like they could go through anything together. Sakura never noticed, it seemed.

As a way to comfort her, he assured her that she’d find them, and he wasn’t lying; finding the one she will love the most and will love her back was inevitable, even if he wasn’t in the picture. He honestly hoped she’d find them soon, just so she can be happy again. He was okay with being on the sidelines, as a friend, just like this.

He wished he could hug the pain away. Somehow, he felt like crying, too.

She was never meant to be this important to him, but here she was, tears and all, and all Syaoran wanted was to make her understand that yes, he knew exactly how this feels, and yes, it gets better.

(He added later that night, when he stirred in his bed -- that yes, he was hurting for her because she was the most precious thing in his life, and no one deserved her, not entirely.)

He knew he promised Daidouji he’d tell her about his feelings, but he figured it could wait. Truth be told, it could also be buried deep within him, never to be seen again.

 

 

 

She gave him a handmade ( _handmade!_ ) yukata of his own, and he’s pretty sure he’s turning it into a family heirloom. Getting help from her father was a bit unnerving too.

Daidouji asked about his plans on telling Sakura about his feelings, so he answered as truthfully as he could: he didn’t want to make her worry because of it, or make her feel like she needed to answer him out of pity because she knew how it felt - not being loved by the person you love the most.

Battling the horse statue caused the power outage in the festival, so Sakura hurriedly tried to amend it with The Glow Card. Everything looked beautiful in the light shimmer of The Glow’s power, and it provided a temporary solution just to keep the activities going.

Out of the blue, Daidouji said, “You’re a really kind person.”

She explained that Sakura wasn’t the type who holds on to sadness, and that if Syaoran decided to tell her how he really felt, Sakura would definitely give him an answer that was best for her.

He knew that, too. He realized then that he was being a coward.

“As much as you think she deserves happiness, Li-kun,” Daidouji said, a soft smile in her lips. “She’d think the same for you. So do yourself a favor and reconsider; she is Sakura-chan, after all!”

 _I’m so doomed,_ he thought to himself as he watched Daidouji run off to find Sakura.

 

 

 

With all the matters regarding the cards done and over with, he was left with little time to say goodbye. He knew he was gonna leave as soon as it’s over, but with his feelings left unsaid, there was much to stay behind for.

A dreaded phone call arrived before he left for school.

“I’m afraid I have to delay you for school, my son,” She said, but not sounding entirely apologetic. If anything, she sounded too serious. Syaoran’s heart sank. “Your time is up there in Tomoeda.”

“Mother, I--” He was panicking. _I need more time, please_.

“For now, Xiao Lang, for now. She is going to be fine while you’re away, and you will come back as soon as it’s time.”

_Time for what?_

“It’s time for you to learn how to use more of Clow’s magic in you. I’m afraid with how her power grew over the past year, she will be inviting unnecessary attention to herself. Do you want to have the power to help her, if you can?”

“Of course! I…” Syaoran trailed off, realizing that he was talking to his mother. She was waiting for an explanation, but he didn’t have the time to detail how crucial it was. He didn’t want to feel as helpless as he did when they fought Eriol, not again. “She’s important to me.”

“Will you come home? Even if it means leaving her behind?”

With the level of power he had then, he would only be a burden when Sakura needed him the most.

“Yes. I’ll come back to Hong Kong.”

 

 

 

Daidouji might be right; Syaoran may actually have the worst self confidence in history.

With the confession said and the rest of the plans laid out, the decision to not tell Sakura about his departure was an unconscious choice, mainly because he knew it won’t matter as much to her. Why would it, after all? His feelings were a burden; he knew he was causing confusion, so he didn’t want to add up the pain.

But he knew that leaving without any word would be far worse, so he made an ultimatum: if he didn’t see her before he finished all the paperwork and packing, he’d drop by her house and say his goodbyes.

Which he explained accordingly once said lady dropped by to give Kaho-sensei’s goodies from England. There wasn’t much to say: he was leaving, he was happy to have met everyone -- no, to have met Sakura, and that his flight leaves tomorrow. Unexpectedly, she looked heartbroken, and no, he never thought she’d be so sad about it, so when she left in the middle of it all, Syaoran was mostly confused himself.

He spent his last night in Tomoeda listening to Sakura’s voice messages, hoping it could lull him to sleep.

 

 

 

She handed over a pink bear with her heart along with it, and all Syaoran wanted was to stay and hold her close.

“I’ll come back, okay?” He called out as the bus started moving.

“But when?”

“Once I’ve taken care of things in Hong Kong,” he answered. The bus was starting to accelerate; he had so little time now. Sakura started running after the bus. “Will you wait for me?” He asked, completely selfish by his standards, but he knew the answer would inspire him the same.

“I will!”

He peered out the bus window until the conductor asked him to settle down his seat. He gave the bear the tightest hug, and somehow, he felt a little more at peace about leaving.

 

 

 

Arriving in Hong Kong was familiar, scary and invigorating at the same time. Wei picked him up at the airport with a warm smile, and as much as he was an old staple in his life who knew most of his shenanigans, he can’t bring himself to speak.

At home, he was welcomed by his sisters first, cooing and whining about how he had been away for far too long, and that they missed him immensely. There was no point in not indulging them, so he gave each of them a kiss, much to their surprise. They gasped collectively.

“Xiao Lang is in love!”

“Definitely!”

“Is that why Mother has been looking for wedding gown fabrics?”

“Xiao Lang, you must introduce us!”

“What’s she like? Is she the most adorable thing in the world?”

“Ne, Xiao Lang, bring her here! We’ll cover the travel expenses!”

“Hey, wait a second,” Syaoran was starting to get a little annoyed, and he knew his sisters found amusement in that. “I’m not letting Sakura near any of you--”

“Her name’s Sakura?!”

Syaoran sighed. “Where’s mother?”

“No, you’re not getting out of this one, little wolf!” Shiefa teased, poking his cheeks. “Unless you give us more details, we won’t let you leave this room!”

“Indeed we won’t.”

As he remembered, Yelan entered the room with grace unparalleled elsewhere. Syaoran stood as straight as he could, realizing that the tense air that existed when his mother commandeered the attention of everyone had left entirely.

“Mother! He refuses to tell us!”

“Does he know how eagerly you picked out your gifts for her?”

“Oh mother, we must meet her at once!”

“A hanfu, perhaps? We must pick out the cloth the soonest as possible!”

“Ladies, settle down,” Yelan said, a light smile on her lips. “As happy I am to see you all excited over your younger brother’s blossoming love--”

Syaoran blushed, glaring at his sisters who squealed all the same.

“-- I believe some formalities are in order. Xiao Lang,” She spread her arms wide, and Syaoran stepped forward, happily giving her a warm embrace. “Welcome home.

 

 

 

Once he settled back into his old routine, along with additional lessons from his mother, he found time to write letters and send postcards here and there. Phone calls were unnerving at first, especially when it’s Sakura’s brother who answers it.

“I’m sorry about my brother,” Sakura apologized over the line, and Syaoran immediately assured her that it was fine. “How’s Hong Kong?”

“It’s fine,” ( _You’re not here_ ) “I don’t go out as much anymore since Mother gives me a lot of training hours,” ( _I miss you_ ) “but otherwise, it’s been fine.”

“You’re not tiring yourself out, aren’t you?” Sakura asked, sounding worried.

“No, no, not at all! Do I sound tired?”

“A bit,” Sakura mumbled. “Don’t push yourself too hard, okay?”

“Ah,” Syaoran absentmindedly said, too tired to filter anything out. “I really miss you, Sakura.”

“W-what?! Syaoran-kun?” Sakura stuttered, and Syaoran laughed. “Please don’t laugh!”

“I apologize; I’m probably too tired if I’m being rude. I understand if you want to end the call now--”

“No, no, you’re fine, I was just startled! I’m sorry, please don’t drop the call!”

At the edge of the bed sat the pink bear she gave. He booped its nose and smiled. “I won’t, if you don’t want me to.” He wasn’t sure what to say then; he was getting so sleepy, and he still had lessons early in the morning, but he still wanted to talk. “My sisters wish to send over gifts. So does Mother.”

“Ah! Are you sure it’s not a bother?”

“Never; they adore you,” he yawned out. “I’m sorry, I think I’m tired after all.” Before Sakura could insist they end the call, however, he asked, “Would you let me hear your voice for a bit more?”

“What would you want to hear?”

“Anything,” Syaoran said with a smile, and he listened with his eyes closed as Sakura told her about her day. ( _Everything._ )

“... in the end, I come back running home, expecting a letter or a phone call from you,” Sakura admitted shyly, and Syaoran could only imagine how much she was blushing. “I…”

Suddenly, she sniffed. Syaoran’s eyes opened in shock, and he sits up immediately. “Sakura? Is everything okay? Are you unwell?”

“O-oh no, everything’s fine! I just…” She sniffed again. “I didn’t realize how much I looked forward to our talks, now that you’re not here in Tomoeda, and I know you’re doing your best every day with your lessons and training and--”

“Sakura--”

“I miss you, Syaoran-kun,” She said sadly, and it took every ounce of willpower not to book a flight back to Japan right then and there. “I’m sorry; I know this is selfish but--”

“I miss you every day, in everything I do,” Syaoran said as calmly as he could, trying to keep his voice steady. There was much riding on this, after all. “Every day I wish you were around so I could easily calm down when training frustrates me, but I know you’re doing your best, too, and that inspires me from here.” He could still hear Sakura sniffing, and that frustrated him, too. “Please don’t cry. My handkerchief is here in Hong Kong.”

That made Sakura giggle, so he considered it a win. “I’m sorry if I seemed impatient; I really could wait, I promise.”

“Sakura,” Syaoran mumbled with a blush and a smile. _(I miss you so much I could cry)_ “I can’t wait to see you again.”

 

 

 

Going back and forth from Hong Kong to Tomoeda had never been his favorite process, but he knew better then, especially since it’s going to be the last time. Yelan was starting to invest on the idea of visiting Syaoran in Japan instead of him flying back to Hong Kong, thus purchasing a proper landed home for the Li Clan, but Syaoran refused to manage a whole household all by himself, so he settled back on his old apartment unit.

(Aside from his clothing, he had to bring back tons of gifts for Sakura, most of which were from his sisters. He reminded them day by day that they could only give one each, since Sakura wasn’t the materialistic type, but given their sly inclinations, each one of them sent over a box filled with goodies and clothing.

His mother settled on giving her a hanfu adorned with cherry blossoms, which he suspected was made from a personalized cloth. He eyed his mother suspiciously when she gave the box to him.

“Mother…”

“It’s charmed to keep her safe.”

Which wouldn’t make sense, unless Sakura wore it everyday. Which he wasn’t completely against with, but he sighed in defeat anyway. “At least it’s not in red.”

“Not yet!” Feimei chimed in. “She would look stunning in traditional red~!”

“Xiao Lang, why are _you_ all red now?”)

 

 

 

The thing was, he wasn’t normally nervous over… anything.

But this? Walking to Sakura’s normal route on her way to school, wearing his new middle school uniform, and holding his Sakura bear? This was _nerve-wracking_.

He wasn’t sure why, either. Was it because he never mentioned to anyone that he was coming back? Or was it because even after everything they’ve been through, he still didn’t know what to expect from Sakura?

The cherry blossoms were in full bloom then. At the corner meeting his street, she walked absentmindedly until she saw him.

Shock. Bewilderment. Tears, then ultimately, a smile. She rushed to meet him, dropping her bag on the ground, and the happiness he felt once she was in his arms was the first in a long, long time.

Then and there, he knew he was home.

 

 

\--


End file.
